I’m an error

Numerous, countless of people has written about how today’s society makes teenagers hunt for perfect bodies, perfect CVs and a career that can provide you with what you need. I know that my life is far better than what many others can say for themselves, and that I, at the end of the day, can’t really complain. That’s why we never say anything. That’s why we store it all inside – because we have no reason to feel the way we do. Our life isn’t perfect, but it’s so much closer to it than for so many others. But even though we shouldn’t feel the way we do – we can’t help it. We do feel it.

feels

I have too many worries. I care too much about everything. And I can’t dig up the “i don’t give a fuck” spirit inside of me. I do, in fact, give a fuck, about most things in life. When my normal life isn’t as good as I wished it to be (but still very good compared to many other people), I lean on doing good in sports and at school. I always do good at school. Maybe not as good as I would wish sometimes, but good enough not to care. When I do bad at sports, it ruins me. It ruins me because it’s the one thing that makes everything worth it – the one thing that can always save me. And when it can’t, what will?

We’re insecure. Unsure about everything – and when we lower ourselves to the point were we think we are, we lower ourselves too much. We can do better, and deep inside, we know that. But believing we are, in fact, good, is vulnerable because thoughts like: “what if I’m not?” keeps squeezing in. Shutting them out is the hardest part. We’re so damn afraid. We’re afraid of not making it. Afraid of being a disappointment, to both ourselves and everyone around us. We’re so afraid of failure that we bring it upon ourselves.

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