Good(bad)-bye?

There are so many things in this world that hurts. That causes you pain. That causes you to cry. To feel bad about yourself. To question everything you ever thought. There are so many things that hurt more than what I’m feeling right now. I only have the light version. But it still hurts.

It’s when you realize that it really is over. The case is lost. The stone has finally hit the ground. It is over, and you’re left there, stranded, with a thousand thoughts in your head. Maybe you enjoyed not knowing. It would’ve been nicer to not know. You could shield yourself from the utter, and completely horrible feeling of…

reject.

It is the most horrible feeling I know. I’ve lived most of my life trying to sneak away from it at every chance I got. I wouldn’t put myself in a situation where I might experience it. But I got to a point where everything could only go one way, and I needed to catch myself before I fell way too hard. I have to tell myself that I did the right thing. That I needed to end this once and for all. I need to believe my own words. But whether I do or not, that’s the real question.

Here’s to a new beginning that I don’t know how will go at all. I hope that this year will be different, but it probably won’t. Here’s to another normal year. I will miss him, I will want to take it all back, but I will still know I did the right thing. I needed to save myself. I just hope I did.

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